why are people so two faced ?

I'm a firm believer in telling the truth and being upfront. Sadly I seem to be in the minority. People pretend to be your friend, but when the chips are down they are no where to be found. For those of you who have genuine friendships, you are truly blessed. I recently moved to a village, but shortly after moving I became critically ill. I thought that there was a sense of Community, how very wrong I am. I live amongst sad, miserable, and nothing better to do than gossip people. Some could argue that that is to be expected living in a village.  What I really think is tragic is that these same people smile, and pretend they are friendly, but really they are looking for an opportunity to back stab and all the while they are gossiping and plotting.
I would suggest that if you can't be genuine then leave people alone because all you do is cause bad feelings. I have found some of the locals to be small minded, unwilling to embrace anything new. Rules apply to some and not others.  Some of the locals are exremely rude and up themselves because they belong to a committee,  or should I say that seems to be the excuse for their rudeness ! Sadly I have begun to diminish my respect for these people and not wanting to sound ageist, but why is it mostly the older generation that are the perpetrators?  These villagers do not have the right to accost, shout and be abusive under any circumstances.

What Kind of State is your Relationship in?

It's not something that immediately springs to mind. That is, until a problem arises and then you begin to wonder. The cracks begin to show. What starts out as a minor irritation becomes an annoyance and so on.

Why is it that men in particular find it so hard to communicate to their partners and spouses  just how they feel?  I had almost begun to believe that in this day and age communication had improved with age, but by all accounts I am still finding that communication is still the least of priorities within a relationship.  By the time clients come to see me, they have gone past the minor irritation, which could have been nipped in the bud fairly earlier on.  By the time they get to me they are full of anger, resentment and wanting to walk out. I have become the last resort.

A very common theme seems to be that spouses and partners begin to take each other for granted and start to feel abused . Another common theme is that the partner or spouse are not even aware that there is a problem until one or other is about to leave the relationship.

Sometimes it is helpful to have a third party, perhaps a counsellor, family member or a good friend who can listen and support, but what do you do if the spouse won't acknowledge that there is a problem? In this situation it becomes just that more challenging.  It takes time, patience and effort and if you're not prepared to give those then perhaps you need help as well. In some cases I have had clients who have said that they have done that  and more, but it still doesn't help.  Maybe it is time to reevaluate your relationship and ask different questions. Is this the kind of person I want to stay with ?  sometimes it takes something more drastic before the offending spouse gets the message. Never threaten your spouse with action unless you really are prepared to do it, for example, leaving them.

If violence is an issue in your relationship then that should be the point at which one gets out. It seems to be becoming more of an issue nowadays. It has always been around, but more so now as it causes so much misery.  There are more recreational drugs, which has the potential to disturb the mind anyway, and long term use, long term damage that may not manifest itself for years to come ahead. It distorts events and creates many problems. As for abusing alcohol, that is also becoming a problem for many families.  Even children as young as 9 are turning to alcohol, which presumably they have witnessed their parents usage.

If this sounds like you and you need my help send feedback  please and I will endeavour to do what I can to help you.