Tip of the week: Communication

I spoke to someone recently who described to me that she no longer was in love with her husband, but that she loved him deeply.  She asked me what she should do. I presumed that she was looking for me to confirm that leaving him was the right thing to do.  However, it really isn't as simple as that. Love is a funny old thing.  It is not something you can turn on and off like a tap.  There are varying degrees of love ranging from hot fire, to slow burning embers. Her husband told me that he did love her but that work had taken over his life.  He agreed that at times he did forget to compliment her or even tell her that he loved her.  Flowers had stopped, the little love notes, the laughter all disintegrated before her very eyes.  He had gotten things out of balance.
For him, he was just being practical.  Paying a mortgage, bills etc... and for her, she was being emotionally starved.  She became resentful of her husband and gradually they both forgot what it was that attracted them together in the first place. A new learned behaviour had come into play. Neither of them was happy.  He had begun to see her as being demanding and eventually she just gave up on the marriage.
So how do we begin to sort this?  Communication, communication, communication.  She no longer felt that she could tell her husband that she felt rejected, unloved, of no real significance in his life for fear of his accusation of her being demanding. She had become resentful instead.  Both of them needed to go back and sift through to the root and see where it all began.   A willingness to listen is crucial and to confirm what you think the other person is saying.  You will be surprised at what a person may think they have heard - to infact what was actually said. !  None of this is simple as it sounds.  It takes time, effort and commitment. Finding the right balance is easy if you both come to some agreement or compromise. I do not believe that the wife no longer was in love with her husband, but merely she had nothing to respond to.  Husbands have a huge responsibility in that yes they are the providers, but they also have to be the nurturers as well. Telling your wife that she is being demanding is not helpful and really can only serve to exacerbate the problem further.
A shift in priorities is usually a good thing.  He may be still just as busy at work, but it does not take long to  text a love note.   Telling your wife as soon as she wakes up in the morning that she is the most precious thing in your life will work wonders. Wives, occasionally it would be great if you could make yourself stunningly beautiful when your man comes through that front door. Remember our guys are sight creatures !!!!  It doesn't quite work that way for women, (sadly) but you'll be amazed at how he will respond, and in the process you will be nurtured and all those loving feelings will start to flow back in time. Good Luck !
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Tip of the week: Actions Speak Louder Than Words

It's no good telling someone you love them if you never do anything to back that statement up. Loving someone means doing 'nice' things without being asked to. It's a feeling you get when you think of that person and you know, because you know you are loved. Loving someone is not always about doing nice things, it can also be about Tough Love. A new concept for some. Hard to do for the individual, and even harder for the recipient. If you tell someone you love them be prepared to back that statement with Action. Why would anyone send flowers for a funeral if they never sent flowers to them whilst they were alive. They're dead, they can't see them. It would have been better to send flowers whilst they could see and smell them and appreciate them. It is far more soul destroying and damaging to think someone loves you, but when the chips are down they are nowhere to be seen. Love is unconditional, but it is human nature to put conditions on it. We spend our lives wanting acceptance and affirmation, but who did you accept and affirm during the past week. We want help, but who did you help this week. If we spent less time in the frame of mind of me, me, me, and more time thinking of what we could so for someone else, you may not necessarily be saying directly  you love them, but indirectly Your Actions has spoken louder than any words. Did you do something this week to show your love, but even more importantly where you had nothing to gain???
If you need my help and are not afraid of straight talking answers then do not hesitate to contact me, where I will be pleased to help. Contact me by CRR, email or FB.
Until next time....