stop using your children as weapons

Hello again,
I feel that this article is long overdue and no one wants to really get to the nitty gritty of mother's who use their children as weapons against father's.

It is not a pleasant subject at the best of times, but one I feel that needs to be highlighted.

I would say that one of the hardest jobs in the world is being a parent.  It is not something that one can switch on and off.  When we have our children, of course we hope that we will stay together as a family unit. However, in many of the cases that I have encountered, people who should really know better behave in the most despicable way.  Mother's who through their pain use their children against the father's because they have either left or no longer see a future in the relationship. They want to punish the father's by not allowing him and his family to be involved in that child's life.  If only the mother's could see that it is beneficial to her and to the children for the father and Grandparents to see the children. All too often the mother discontinues the relationship with the Grandparents through no fault of their own.

If you think that you are mature enough to have a baby then surely you can see that having all the support you can get can only be a good thing.  The Grandparents are only concerned in seeing their grandchildren, they are usually not concerned with whatever argument has taken place between the parents, it really is nothing to do with them.The Grandparents are usually concerned with being a safe haven in what would seem to be a lonely and isolating existence.  The mother usually has 'friends' but they are not around when feeding time comes, midnight wake ups, changing nappies, comforting and supporting. when you feel completely exhausted and no one to turn to, creating depression and all sorts of ails.

It is time that women who have children whether it was planned or otherwise, need to wake up and stop being so selfish.  You are not thinking of your child when you mess with father's heads and change goal posts because you don't like the fact that you are no longer together.  Sadly we cannot have everything we all want, and yes it hurts, but in the meantime there is a child in the middle of this who never asked to be here so don't you think that now it is here that you as the responsible parent should make every effort to make that child's life mean something?

Have you any idea how many fatherless children there are out there?  I am not saying that father's do not have a responsibility, because they do. It is your responsibility to make sure that you maintain your child, that you love your child and let them feel valued. As often as time permits your child should know that the absent parent loves them.

Have you ever considered why we have so many troubled teens with drug, alcohol, sexual addictions, self- harmers?  Yes people it starts from a very early age, it's how your child views it's life whether they feel worth it or worthless.  Body piercings, tatoos and the bright pink hair, why do you think youngsters do this,?
perhaps you think it's because they have nothing better to do.  WAKE UP PEOPLE. Stop saying things like 'well I dunno how this happened'  YOU played a massive part in why your child goes off the rails.  Stop the selfish, spitefulness and allow your child it's RIGHTS they have the right to see their absent parent WHATEVER YOU may think of the absent parent. stop your children growing up in conflict and hating the absent parent because of a decision YOU made.

Legalism or Merciful?

It would be good if we felt great all the time.  Whenever crisis strikes you can choose to do the right thing. If you never have crisis you will never build character. Anger is an emotion that is not necessarily wrong,it's what you do with it. We all have emotions, but anger is usually the one that surfaces pretty quickly. You always need to do the greater thing when you have been wronged. Not easy in anyone's book.
You can change your life radically by not following your emotions. Make a positive declaration that  you will not be 'ruled' by your emotions.
Legalistic takes away from Merciful. A legalistic person is usually a perfectionist who judges, criticises and on the whole harsh. Merciful is the opposite it forgives quickly. Here's a useful tip, Be merciful to others because one day YOU may need THEIR mercy.
Scars remind us of where we have been- they do not have to dictate our future! I have been broken many, many times, too many scars to mention. I could have become a drug addict, alcoholic, promiscuous.  Anything to block out the pain and the hurt.Being angry and judgemental all the time virtually ruined my life. Others could see it and responded accordingly causing alienation . I know first hand that being angry hurts no one but yourself. My brokenness didn't just happen, it has been part of my life for as long as I can remember. Being merciful changed my life in more ways than one. It gave me the opportunity to realise and understand that bad things happen to good people, that life is not fair and to have no expectations.  It teaches you that situations and circumstances change all the time and recognising that sometimes things happen beyond your control. So being stressed and angry is pointless. I had to drag positive out of every negative.  Understanding that people let you down whether it be your spouse, partner, friend or family.  Legalistic people tend  to look for flaws and imperfections in others. They do not forgive and they certainly do not forget.
Being merciful offers the opposite and gives the offender the opportunity to put things right and even if they don't, you will feel better for it,  Leave it to their conscience and let them have the sleepless nights.  Not you ! There is nothing good or clever in seeking revenge.  I could have done that my whole life through. I would have had to ask myself at what cost to me?  I spent too many years being legalistic  being bound up in my own pain regurgitating all the horrible things that I have been through.  Pressing forward and forgetting what's passed  only serves to make you stronger and builds resilience.  My brokenness from which I never thought I would recover from it,.  I am the living, breathing proof that you can be free from what legalism can turn you into.
What will you choose, Legalism or Mercy?

If you would like my help please visit my website @ www.counsellingrapidresponse.co.uk  you will find information there available on how to contact me.