Tip of the week: Communication

I spoke to someone recently who described to me that she no longer was in love with her husband, but that she loved him deeply.  She asked me what she should do. I presumed that she was looking for me to confirm that leaving him was the right thing to do.  However, it really isn't as simple as that. Love is a funny old thing.  It is not something you can turn on and off like a tap.  There are varying degrees of love ranging from hot fire, to slow burning embers. Her husband told me that he did love her but that work had taken over his life.  He agreed that at times he did forget to compliment her or even tell her that he loved her.  Flowers had stopped, the little love notes, the laughter all disintegrated before her very eyes.  He had gotten things out of balance.
For him, he was just being practical.  Paying a mortgage, bills etc... and for her, she was being emotionally starved.  She became resentful of her husband and gradually they both forgot what it was that attracted them together in the first place. A new learned behaviour had come into play. Neither of them was happy.  He had begun to see her as being demanding and eventually she just gave up on the marriage.
So how do we begin to sort this?  Communication, communication, communication.  She no longer felt that she could tell her husband that she felt rejected, unloved, of no real significance in his life for fear of his accusation of her being demanding. She had become resentful instead.  Both of them needed to go back and sift through to the root and see where it all began.   A willingness to listen is crucial and to confirm what you think the other person is saying.  You will be surprised at what a person may think they have heard - to infact what was actually said. !  None of this is simple as it sounds.  It takes time, effort and commitment. Finding the right balance is easy if you both come to some agreement or compromise. I do not believe that the wife no longer was in love with her husband, but merely she had nothing to respond to.  Husbands have a huge responsibility in that yes they are the providers, but they also have to be the nurturers as well. Telling your wife that she is being demanding is not helpful and really can only serve to exacerbate the problem further.
A shift in priorities is usually a good thing.  He may be still just as busy at work, but it does not take long to  text a love note.   Telling your wife as soon as she wakes up in the morning that she is the most precious thing in your life will work wonders. Wives, occasionally it would be great if you could make yourself stunningly beautiful when your man comes through that front door. Remember our guys are sight creatures !!!!  It doesn't quite work that way for women, (sadly) but you'll be amazed at how he will respond, and in the process you will be nurtured and all those loving feelings will start to flow back in time. Good Luck !
If you need my help then please have a look at my website WWW.Counsellingrapidresponse.co.uk or leave a comment on the blog.