Tip of the week: Take your responsibilities seriously !

I  recently learned of my ex-husband's sudden and rather premature death.  For me this has evoked all kinds of memories, (mostly bad) . I had spent many years wondering if I had done the right thing, getting divorced, especially having had two of my three children with him. It was not a happy marriage and the parting was not amicable, but acrimonious. For 26 years he had chosen to stay out of our children's life, and whilst I am indifferent to the news of his death, my children are grieving and suffering for a father they never knew.
My question is this: What makes a father turn his back on his offspring. Is it for the best? or is it just plain old fashioned selfishness. Actually it is irrelevant what I think about what he has done. I can only imagine the confusion, unanswered questions that my children now feel.  We can learn a lot from our children, young adults, as they seem to have a forgiving nature.  What upsets me most is that they tend to internalise the feeling that the parent who is absent has blamed them for something they know not what, except for being born. We mother's have to 'stick it out' regardless. But as single parents have and experience no end of problems.
For me it was very clear that the marriage had come to a natural end.  However, the relationship between a father and his offspring should not be taken lightly. Father's have an absolute duty and responsibility to keep on loving their children, long after the split.  Statistically speaking the evidence speaks for itself. How many children and young adults who commit crimes have a father in their life?  Who is the authoritative figure for them.
I'm not suggesting that all marriages which break, result in children committing crime, the the numbers are pretty grim reading.  Having worked for the youth offending service I know first hand why these kids go off the rails. They feel abandoned and quite frankly are sick of seeing their mums struggle and not being able to afford things. So what do they do? They take matters into their own hands. They drink, smoke weed, take hard drugs, get into bother just to blot out the pain.  My journey with my son has been tough especially his teenage years. He struggled with his father's rejection and abandonment, as did his sister.It manifested itself in two completely different ways, but manifest it did.   The anger my son felt was immense and my daughter will never get the question of 'why' answered.  In one sense this is a chapter of their life that has closed, but on another level was it necessary for their father to abdicate all responsibility to the children that he helped to produce?
We sometimes assume wrongly that because they are now in their 20's  that they can deal with this.  Doesn't matter how old your children are, it is painful at any time.
For all father's out there who have walked away from their kids, intentionally or unintentionally it is never too late to make amends and do the right thing.  Don't leave it like my ex did, because in his case it is too late !
People are quick to judge young people but it is appalling trying to go through life with these feelings of unanswered questions and a black hole where their absent parent should be.  Look no further than your own back yard and look deeper into why children and young people are so angry and messed up and looking for all the wrong things.  Father's do the right thing !!
If you need help contact me, via the blog, email, or fb.
Until next time.......