Tip of the week Know when to say Goodbye to a Relationship.

At what point in our lives when a relationship is not working do we say enough is enough? Do separations ever really work. In my opinion I think separations can be beneficial to both parties.  It gives time and space to think what it is you really want.  Sometimes having the space can actually make you realize what you have lost and that perhaps it can be worked through.  When you are both living under the same roof it becomes much more difficult to get a right perspective and what really works for you. However if you make the inevitable split, it can lead to much deeper emotions such as depression and regret. Sometimes we just need to take a back seat and self assess if the problem/s is you or them.  Do not get into the 'blaming game' as this achieves nothing but resentment. There are some couples where one will leave at the first sign of trouble and look for another partner in the vain hope that this time the relationship will be better. There are other couples who feel that they have been together for too long and going through the dating process and starting all over again is too much hassle, so they 'stick' it out getting more miserable by the minute and day. Why? This is quite an open ended question. Most of us fear being alone and abandoned. To face the 'black hole' and all the trauma and anxiety that brings they put up with anything. To be alone is to feel unloved and unlovable, this perpetuates the feelings of past situations and hurt.
There are some couples who don't even know if they are happy or not, they daren't go that far.  They shuffle along with their daily lives oblivious to knowing what their partner really thinks or feels. sometimes it is only when couples split do they ever realize just how unhappy they were in that relationship. It is more common for the woman to initiate a Divorce.  Not because they want it that way, but because of the partners behaviour. If couples could get to the bottom of asking why they are still in a bad or unhappy relationship rather than blaming each other for past offences and misdemeanour's. Once you start asking questions about yourself only then can things start to disentangle. Counsellors are notoriously famous for helping us to do just that 'disentangle'.  You have to know when to leave otherwise you may end up hating each other and not intentionally either.
It is equally important to understand that for the time you spent with your partner it was never wasted. The fact that you no longer fulfil each others needs or have the same dreams and goals is no reason to regret those years together.

If you need my help or advice please visit my website WWW.CounsellingRapidResponse.co.uk where you can contact me there.
Until next time...