Monday, 7 October 2013
What Kind of State is your Relationship in?
It's not something that immediately springs to mind. That is, until a problem arises and then you begin to wonder. The cracks begin to show. What starts out as a minor irritation becomes an annoyance and so on.
Why is it that men in particular find it so hard to communicate to their partners and spouses just how they feel? I had almost begun to believe that in this day and age communication had improved with age, but by all accounts I am still finding that communication is still the least of priorities within a relationship. By the time clients come to see me, they have gone past the minor irritation, which could have been nipped in the bud fairly earlier on. By the time they get to me they are full of anger, resentment and wanting to walk out. I have become the last resort.
A very common theme seems to be that spouses and partners begin to take each other for granted and start to feel abused . Another common theme is that the partner or spouse are not even aware that there is a problem until one or other is about to leave the relationship.
Sometimes it is helpful to have a third party, perhaps a counsellor, family member or a good friend who can listen and support, but what do you do if the spouse won't acknowledge that there is a problem? In this situation it becomes just that more challenging. It takes time, patience and effort and if you're not prepared to give those then perhaps you need help as well. In some cases I have had clients who have said that they have done that and more, but it still doesn't help. Maybe it is time to reevaluate your relationship and ask different questions. Is this the kind of person I want to stay with ? sometimes it takes something more drastic before the offending spouse gets the message. Never threaten your spouse with action unless you really are prepared to do it, for example, leaving them.
If violence is an issue in your relationship then that should be the point at which one gets out. It seems to be becoming more of an issue nowadays. It has always been around, but more so now as it causes so much misery. There are more recreational drugs, which has the potential to disturb the mind anyway, and long term use, long term damage that may not manifest itself for years to come ahead. It distorts events and creates many problems. As for abusing alcohol, that is also becoming a problem for many families. Even children as young as 9 are turning to alcohol, which presumably they have witnessed their parents usage.
If this sounds like you and you need my help send feedback please and I will endeavour to do what I can to help you.
Friday, 18 January 2013
stop using your children as weapons
Hello again,
I feel that this article is long overdue and no one wants to really get to the nitty gritty of mother's who use their children as weapons against father's.
It is not a pleasant subject at the best of times, but one I feel that needs to be highlighted.
I would say that one of the hardest jobs in the world is being a parent. It is not something that one can switch on and off. When we have our children, of course we hope that we will stay together as a family unit. However, in many of the cases that I have encountered, people who should really know better behave in the most despicable way. Mother's who through their pain use their children against the father's because they have either left or no longer see a future in the relationship. They want to punish the father's by not allowing him and his family to be involved in that child's life. If only the mother's could see that it is beneficial to her and to the children for the father and Grandparents to see the children. All too often the mother discontinues the relationship with the Grandparents through no fault of their own.
If you think that you are mature enough to have a baby then surely you can see that having all the support you can get can only be a good thing. The Grandparents are only concerned in seeing their grandchildren, they are usually not concerned with whatever argument has taken place between the parents, it really is nothing to do with them.The Grandparents are usually concerned with being a safe haven in what would seem to be a lonely and isolating existence. The mother usually has 'friends' but they are not around when feeding time comes, midnight wake ups, changing nappies, comforting and supporting. when you feel completely exhausted and no one to turn to, creating depression and all sorts of ails.
It is time that women who have children whether it was planned or otherwise, need to wake up and stop being so selfish. You are not thinking of your child when you mess with father's heads and change goal posts because you don't like the fact that you are no longer together. Sadly we cannot have everything we all want, and yes it hurts, but in the meantime there is a child in the middle of this who never asked to be here so don't you think that now it is here that you as the responsible parent should make every effort to make that child's life mean something?
Have you any idea how many fatherless children there are out there? I am not saying that father's do not have a responsibility, because they do. It is your responsibility to make sure that you maintain your child, that you love your child and let them feel valued. As often as time permits your child should know that the absent parent loves them.
Have you ever considered why we have so many troubled teens with drug, alcohol, sexual addictions, self- harmers? Yes people it starts from a very early age, it's how your child views it's life whether they feel worth it or worthless. Body piercings, tatoos and the bright pink hair, why do you think youngsters do this,?
perhaps you think it's because they have nothing better to do. WAKE UP PEOPLE. Stop saying things like 'well I dunno how this happened' YOU played a massive part in why your child goes off the rails. Stop the selfish, spitefulness and allow your child it's RIGHTS they have the right to see their absent parent WHATEVER YOU may think of the absent parent. stop your children growing up in conflict and hating the absent parent because of a decision YOU made.
I feel that this article is long overdue and no one wants to really get to the nitty gritty of mother's who use their children as weapons against father's.
It is not a pleasant subject at the best of times, but one I feel that needs to be highlighted.
I would say that one of the hardest jobs in the world is being a parent. It is not something that one can switch on and off. When we have our children, of course we hope that we will stay together as a family unit. However, in many of the cases that I have encountered, people who should really know better behave in the most despicable way. Mother's who through their pain use their children against the father's because they have either left or no longer see a future in the relationship. They want to punish the father's by not allowing him and his family to be involved in that child's life. If only the mother's could see that it is beneficial to her and to the children for the father and Grandparents to see the children. All too often the mother discontinues the relationship with the Grandparents through no fault of their own.
If you think that you are mature enough to have a baby then surely you can see that having all the support you can get can only be a good thing. The Grandparents are only concerned in seeing their grandchildren, they are usually not concerned with whatever argument has taken place between the parents, it really is nothing to do with them.The Grandparents are usually concerned with being a safe haven in what would seem to be a lonely and isolating existence. The mother usually has 'friends' but they are not around when feeding time comes, midnight wake ups, changing nappies, comforting and supporting. when you feel completely exhausted and no one to turn to, creating depression and all sorts of ails.
It is time that women who have children whether it was planned or otherwise, need to wake up and stop being so selfish. You are not thinking of your child when you mess with father's heads and change goal posts because you don't like the fact that you are no longer together. Sadly we cannot have everything we all want, and yes it hurts, but in the meantime there is a child in the middle of this who never asked to be here so don't you think that now it is here that you as the responsible parent should make every effort to make that child's life mean something?
Have you any idea how many fatherless children there are out there? I am not saying that father's do not have a responsibility, because they do. It is your responsibility to make sure that you maintain your child, that you love your child and let them feel valued. As often as time permits your child should know that the absent parent loves them.
Have you ever considered why we have so many troubled teens with drug, alcohol, sexual addictions, self- harmers? Yes people it starts from a very early age, it's how your child views it's life whether they feel worth it or worthless. Body piercings, tatoos and the bright pink hair, why do you think youngsters do this,?
perhaps you think it's because they have nothing better to do. WAKE UP PEOPLE. Stop saying things like 'well I dunno how this happened' YOU played a massive part in why your child goes off the rails. Stop the selfish, spitefulness and allow your child it's RIGHTS they have the right to see their absent parent WHATEVER YOU may think of the absent parent. stop your children growing up in conflict and hating the absent parent because of a decision YOU made.
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