Tip of the day: Sons and Daughters appreciate your Mums

Happy Mother's Day to all our lovely mum's out there. Being a Mother is very rewarding, but incredibly hard work.  We all forget sometimes just how important our Mother's are.  I'm reminded today that for some, Mother's have passed away and so today will bring mixed feelings.  For those of us whose Mother's are still with us, how lovely it would be if for just One day out of the year we could make them feel so very special and appreciated.
I remembered a song where the child is charging his mother for every chore she has asked him to do for her. So for taking the rubbish out he charges 50p (or cents as the song is American) for doing the washing up he charges her again and so the song goes, But the song ends up with the mother saying to her son, 'For the times when you were sick and I looked after you, No Charge, for the times you needed comfort and I gave it to you, No Charge, for my unconditional love, No Charge, For giving birth to you, No Charge.'
In a Supermarket the other day I overheard two women talking about Mother's Day, the one woman said to the other how much she hated Mothering Sunday, the second woman looked shocked and asked her 'Why?'
The first lady said  that she had children all in their twenties and for the best part of the day they would stay in bed only surfacing to find out if dinner was ready. (/which she had to cook) There was no acknowledgement from them about the day and when she reminds them they barely give her a second look. My immediate thought was 'how sad'. Maybe her children needs to hear that song !
Listen up ! We only have one Mother and one day she will be gone. Don't waste time not showing her that you love her not just today, but everyday.  Some of us do not have the opportunity  and for us there is sadness. Take time out to mend rifts, no time like the present.  Be a son. Be a daughter  to the woman who screamed her lungs out giving you life.  For all that they do and continue to do for you because as I said, when she's gone, she's gone. Above all else remember that there was No Charge.
Whatever the relationship you have with your mother she will never forget her children.  She will never forget your birth and she never, ever stops loving you.
Have a Happy and Peaceful Mothering Sunday.
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Tip of the week: Communication

I spoke to someone recently who described to me that she no longer was in love with her husband, but that she loved him deeply.  She asked me what she should do. I presumed that she was looking for me to confirm that leaving him was the right thing to do.  However, it really isn't as simple as that. Love is a funny old thing.  It is not something you can turn on and off like a tap.  There are varying degrees of love ranging from hot fire, to slow burning embers. Her husband told me that he did love her but that work had taken over his life.  He agreed that at times he did forget to compliment her or even tell her that he loved her.  Flowers had stopped, the little love notes, the laughter all disintegrated before her very eyes.  He had gotten things out of balance.
For him, he was just being practical.  Paying a mortgage, bills etc... and for her, she was being emotionally starved.  She became resentful of her husband and gradually they both forgot what it was that attracted them together in the first place. A new learned behaviour had come into play. Neither of them was happy.  He had begun to see her as being demanding and eventually she just gave up on the marriage.
So how do we begin to sort this?  Communication, communication, communication.  She no longer felt that she could tell her husband that she felt rejected, unloved, of no real significance in his life for fear of his accusation of her being demanding. She had become resentful instead.  Both of them needed to go back and sift through to the root and see where it all began.   A willingness to listen is crucial and to confirm what you think the other person is saying.  You will be surprised at what a person may think they have heard - to infact what was actually said. !  None of this is simple as it sounds.  It takes time, effort and commitment. Finding the right balance is easy if you both come to some agreement or compromise. I do not believe that the wife no longer was in love with her husband, but merely she had nothing to respond to.  Husbands have a huge responsibility in that yes they are the providers, but they also have to be the nurturers as well. Telling your wife that she is being demanding is not helpful and really can only serve to exacerbate the problem further.
A shift in priorities is usually a good thing.  He may be still just as busy at work, but it does not take long to  text a love note.   Telling your wife as soon as she wakes up in the morning that she is the most precious thing in your life will work wonders. Wives, occasionally it would be great if you could make yourself stunningly beautiful when your man comes through that front door. Remember our guys are sight creatures !!!!  It doesn't quite work that way for women, (sadly) but you'll be amazed at how he will respond, and in the process you will be nurtured and all those loving feelings will start to flow back in time. Good Luck !
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Tip of the Week Is Your Marriage For Life ?

Marriage is the hardest institution to be in.  We hear in the media that marriage is in decline, not many people are opting for the ball and chain. This is a hard one because Love is not enough, not these days.  A generation ago people stayed married ' til death us do part.' It didn't matter what life threw at them they stuck together.  I am reminded that this year my parents will have been married 50 years.  I know that it was more than love that has kept them together. They may not have had an easy time of it, but 50 years is quite an achievement especially these days. Have you got what it takes when the rose tinted spectacles come off to go the distance? When those once cute little habits and ways become irritating to the point of annoyance. ? Or the bank balance isn't as full as it once was prior to tying the knot.
It is one thing to catch a spouse, but quite another to keep them.  The misconception is that once the ring is on the finger that's the end of it.  wives tend to not bother to keep themselves looking good for their man, and men tend to let go of the respect, and fall into the trap of complacency. They forget what attracted them to their woman in the first place and she begins to feel unappreciated and undervalued. Here lies the root to the wandering eye and seed of temptation.
Sometimes love is just not enough, you have to want the best for your spouse. The wife needs to feel that she is the most important person in her husband's life, they need to be an asset to each other so that they compliment each other in every way. Each others needs ought to be considered even though it may not suit you.  Marriage is about making each other laugh, but also sharing those tough times without reacting to things being said that might cause offence.  It is also being patient with each other. For when the time comes when crisis and trauma hits, and it will, is your marriage for life?
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