Christmas Tip: Spare a thought for those on their own.

As we look forward to Christmas and say Goodbye to this year, never to be seen again,we welcome another New Year. The hope that this New year will bring new challenges.  We will become another year older and perhaps more wiser.
This year for me has personally been full of challenges. Some good, some bad. With the present economic climate the way it is, business for me has been slow. However, I did move house.  I have had numerous health scares and still continue to struggle with Diabetes.  My children lost their father. We welcomed two new additions to our family little Maisey, the Jack Russell and future daughter in law Chloe.   I made some new friends.  It has been a mixed bag.  I am excited about the new year. I don't make resolutions as they invariably fail ! I try to stick to attainable goals, the usual new year diet :)
This year has been tough for most people.  My hope for them and myself is that the new year brings healthier, and peaceful times. (and lose a few more pounds)
Christmas time is stressful for some and my advice would be, not to allow situations to get the better of you. Remember my previous blog about not 'having to have the last word to win the battle?'
Be kind to one another and don't let the alcohol ruin the festive season . Laugh and enjoy the time you spend with family and friends.  We're here only once so don't waste your time bickering over nonsense. Make good memories that will last. None of us know how long we are here for, so make the memories good ones.
Spare a thought for those who have no family. Suicide rates are at their highest during this time of the year.  Be a good neighbour / friend, invite them in, or turn up with some mince pies.  You will be amazed  what this gesture means to them. Remember, 'Action speaks louder than words'.  It is so easy to get caught up in the pomp and hype of Christmas and to forget what it is really all about.  If you have Faith you will understand. If you don't, look  no further than the Nativity.  To have faith is to have hope, if you have no faith and no hope, what is left?
Sparing a thought for others who have no one at Christmas is not about being a 'Do Gooder,'  it's about feeling good about yourself that you have taken the time and trouble to make an effort with someone else other than family and friends. In other words people you are already familiar with. So often people do not even know who their neighbours are. Use this time to acquaint yourself I think they will be shocked and you will be surprised !!
On that note I would like to wish all my fellow bloggers, family and friends the best Christmas, and a very Peaceful New Year. The same to all my loved ones far and away.
If you need to contact me, I shall be around to read your comments or questions. Contact me via CRR, FB  or email.
Until next time ....

Tip of the week: Take your responsibilities seriously !

I  recently learned of my ex-husband's sudden and rather premature death.  For me this has evoked all kinds of memories, (mostly bad) . I had spent many years wondering if I had done the right thing, getting divorced, especially having had two of my three children with him. It was not a happy marriage and the parting was not amicable, but acrimonious. For 26 years he had chosen to stay out of our children's life, and whilst I am indifferent to the news of his death, my children are grieving and suffering for a father they never knew.
My question is this: What makes a father turn his back on his offspring. Is it for the best? or is it just plain old fashioned selfishness. Actually it is irrelevant what I think about what he has done. I can only imagine the confusion, unanswered questions that my children now feel.  We can learn a lot from our children, young adults, as they seem to have a forgiving nature.  What upsets me most is that they tend to internalise the feeling that the parent who is absent has blamed them for something they know not what, except for being born. We mother's have to 'stick it out' regardless. But as single parents have and experience no end of problems.
For me it was very clear that the marriage had come to a natural end.  However, the relationship between a father and his offspring should not be taken lightly. Father's have an absolute duty and responsibility to keep on loving their children, long after the split.  Statistically speaking the evidence speaks for itself. How many children and young adults who commit crimes have a father in their life?  Who is the authoritative figure for them.
I'm not suggesting that all marriages which break, result in children committing crime, the the numbers are pretty grim reading.  Having worked for the youth offending service I know first hand why these kids go off the rails. They feel abandoned and quite frankly are sick of seeing their mums struggle and not being able to afford things. So what do they do? They take matters into their own hands. They drink, smoke weed, take hard drugs, get into bother just to blot out the pain.  My journey with my son has been tough especially his teenage years. He struggled with his father's rejection and abandonment, as did his sister.It manifested itself in two completely different ways, but manifest it did.   The anger my son felt was immense and my daughter will never get the question of 'why' answered.  In one sense this is a chapter of their life that has closed, but on another level was it necessary for their father to abdicate all responsibility to the children that he helped to produce?
We sometimes assume wrongly that because they are now in their 20's  that they can deal with this.  Doesn't matter how old your children are, it is painful at any time.
For all father's out there who have walked away from their kids, intentionally or unintentionally it is never too late to make amends and do the right thing.  Don't leave it like my ex did, because in his case it is too late !
People are quick to judge young people but it is appalling trying to go through life with these feelings of unanswered questions and a black hole where their absent parent should be.  Look no further than your own back yard and look deeper into why children and young people are so angry and messed up and looking for all the wrong things.  Father's do the right thing !!
If you need help contact me, via the blog, email, or fb.
Until next time.......

Tip of the week: Actions Speak Louder Than Words

It's no good telling someone you love them if you never do anything to back that statement up. Loving someone means doing 'nice' things without being asked to. It's a feeling you get when you think of that person and you know, because you know you are loved. Loving someone is not always about doing nice things, it can also be about Tough Love. A new concept for some. Hard to do for the individual, and even harder for the recipient. If you tell someone you love them be prepared to back that statement with Action. Why would anyone send flowers for a funeral if they never sent flowers to them whilst they were alive. They're dead, they can't see them. It would have been better to send flowers whilst they could see and smell them and appreciate them. It is far more soul destroying and damaging to think someone loves you, but when the chips are down they are nowhere to be seen. Love is unconditional, but it is human nature to put conditions on it. We spend our lives wanting acceptance and affirmation, but who did you accept and affirm during the past week. We want help, but who did you help this week. If we spent less time in the frame of mind of me, me, me, and more time thinking of what we could so for someone else, you may not necessarily be saying directly  you love them, but indirectly Your Actions has spoken louder than any words. Did you do something this week to show your love, but even more importantly where you had nothing to gain???
If you need my help and are not afraid of straight talking answers then do not hesitate to contact me, where I will be pleased to help. Contact me by CRR, email or FB.
Until next time....

Tip of the week: Forgiveness is the beginning of YOUR Healing !

When someone hurts you so badly that you think that you will never recover, thinking about forgiving them is the last thing on your mind. People have asked "Why should I be the one to forgive, I've done nothing wrong".  Fair point, but you are not doing it for them, you are doing it for YOU. Some people think, just as I once did, that somehow by forgiving you are absolving them from offences caused.  Not so, you will probably never forget the offences done to you, but by forgiving them you are releasing yourself from bitterness and resentment.  Bitterness and resentment is like a poison that permeates through your whole body. Your whole countenance changes and instead of having a 'butter' problem that affects your heart, you have a 'bitter' problem. Forgiving someone's offences does something good for you. It may mean that you will never see or speak to that person again, but you will have peace in your heart. There isn't a single problem in life that I have not encountered.  For years and years I was angry at people who had done me so much wrong. They just got on with their life and never gave me a second thought. The anger, bitterness and resentment was turning me into a monster. I suffered with Depression, ill health, anxiety, insomnia, you name it, it was there.  I kept people at a distance and isolated myself, so that no one could hurt me again. Or so I thought.  It really doesn't work and trying to build relationships with no trust is like having cheese on toast with no cheese!
As I have already said, when you choose to forgive the offences it does something for you. I have already previously blogged about changing the way you think.  I remind you of that blog because it is a choice to forgive. You may not 'feel' like forgiving, but as humans we need interaction, not isolation.We're not supposed to be solitary people.  The years of abuse I put up with, slowly seething and boiling. Forgiving them does nothing for them. It also does not negate what has happened, but personally we only have one life and I am not going to waste it on allowing offences to rob me of having a happy and good life. The experiences I have had has built my character and given me a 'die hard' spirit. It has made me strong and resilient.  I am empowered and enabled to help you.  I thank God that I saw the light as the road I was on was taking me to a mental institution or worse, multiple personality disorders.!!!  Instead, I am whole in mind and body. Dwelling on the past changes nothing. Regurgitating past events cannot change one second of what has happened. What will you choose? To be released from the pain and hurt, or continue to be bitter and resentful. You don't have to physically go and tell them. Do it in your heart, and then LET IT GO !!
Until next time .......
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Tip of the week: You don't always have to have the last word to win the battle!

So often during confrontation we always have to have the last word. Leaving relationships fractured and raw.  What causes quarrels amongst you? Is it not through our selfish desire to always be right? We must have the last word, we must win the argument. We give little thought to the bitter words that are spoken and unfortunately cannot stuff the words back in once they are out! Words are powerful. You can either build someone up with a kind word, or you can tear them down with harsh ones. Your wife, your husband, your partner,children or friends can have their day get off to a bad start depending on how you greet/speak  to them. An evening can be ruined by harsh words spoken.
So how do we try and prevent this from happening - My answer would be you may know that what you are saying is right, but your partner does not agree, stop trying to get them to agree with something that they don't see or agree with and accept that not all the time will you see eye to eye.  Have enough respect and grace  for that person to agree to disagree. Sooner or later one of you will be proved right without any confrontation.  Let me illustrate this with a story and what confrontation can really do to you.
A husband and wife had a row one evening, so bad was their disagreement that the husband decided to sleep in the spare room.  The next morning the wife decided that the argument was stupid and petty, that it didn't matter who was right or wrong she just wanted to get things back on track.  She went into the spare room and jumped on the bed where her husband was sleeping, but she got no response.  He had died during the night.  She had no idea.  Let that be a lesson to all of us who go off into a sulk over something that needn't have happened.  Did it really matter who had the last word? I'm not suggesting that it was just the argument that caused his death, but the stress would certainly have had an impact. We know only too well what stress does.  You can imaging what her lasting memory will be of.  Her husband is dead and all she has left is words that have now become meaningless.
I speak to all of us who find it necessary to always fight to the bitter end to prove a point, but let me tell you that you don't always have to have the last word to win the battle. Not only is it detrimental to your health, but also to your relationships.
If you need my help with your problems please contact me either via FB or email me, or by CRR.
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