Tip of the week: Forgiveness is the beginning of YOUR Healing !

When someone hurts you so badly that you think that you will never recover, thinking about forgiving them is the last thing on your mind. People have asked "Why should I be the one to forgive, I've done nothing wrong".  Fair point, but you are not doing it for them, you are doing it for YOU. Some people think, just as I once did, that somehow by forgiving you are absolving them from offences caused.  Not so, you will probably never forget the offences done to you, but by forgiving them you are releasing yourself from bitterness and resentment.  Bitterness and resentment is like a poison that permeates through your whole body. Your whole countenance changes and instead of having a 'butter' problem that affects your heart, you have a 'bitter' problem. Forgiving someone's offences does something good for you. It may mean that you will never see or speak to that person again, but you will have peace in your heart. There isn't a single problem in life that I have not encountered.  For years and years I was angry at people who had done me so much wrong. They just got on with their life and never gave me a second thought. The anger, bitterness and resentment was turning me into a monster. I suffered with Depression, ill health, anxiety, insomnia, you name it, it was there.  I kept people at a distance and isolated myself, so that no one could hurt me again. Or so I thought.  It really doesn't work and trying to build relationships with no trust is like having cheese on toast with no cheese!
As I have already said, when you choose to forgive the offences it does something for you. I have already previously blogged about changing the way you think.  I remind you of that blog because it is a choice to forgive. You may not 'feel' like forgiving, but as humans we need interaction, not isolation.We're not supposed to be solitary people.  The years of abuse I put up with, slowly seething and boiling. Forgiving them does nothing for them. It also does not negate what has happened, but personally we only have one life and I am not going to waste it on allowing offences to rob me of having a happy and good life. The experiences I have had has built my character and given me a 'die hard' spirit. It has made me strong and resilient.  I am empowered and enabled to help you.  I thank God that I saw the light as the road I was on was taking me to a mental institution or worse, multiple personality disorders.!!!  Instead, I am whole in mind and body. Dwelling on the past changes nothing. Regurgitating past events cannot change one second of what has happened. What will you choose? To be released from the pain and hurt, or continue to be bitter and resentful. You don't have to physically go and tell them. Do it in your heart, and then LET IT GO !!
Until next time .......
http://www.facebook.com/pages/CounsellingRapidResponse/305698479446229

Tip of the week: You don't always have to have the last word to win the battle!

So often during confrontation we always have to have the last word. Leaving relationships fractured and raw.  What causes quarrels amongst you? Is it not through our selfish desire to always be right? We must have the last word, we must win the argument. We give little thought to the bitter words that are spoken and unfortunately cannot stuff the words back in once they are out! Words are powerful. You can either build someone up with a kind word, or you can tear them down with harsh ones. Your wife, your husband, your partner,children or friends can have their day get off to a bad start depending on how you greet/speak  to them. An evening can be ruined by harsh words spoken.
So how do we try and prevent this from happening - My answer would be you may know that what you are saying is right, but your partner does not agree, stop trying to get them to agree with something that they don't see or agree with and accept that not all the time will you see eye to eye.  Have enough respect and grace  for that person to agree to disagree. Sooner or later one of you will be proved right without any confrontation.  Let me illustrate this with a story and what confrontation can really do to you.
A husband and wife had a row one evening, so bad was their disagreement that the husband decided to sleep in the spare room.  The next morning the wife decided that the argument was stupid and petty, that it didn't matter who was right or wrong she just wanted to get things back on track.  She went into the spare room and jumped on the bed where her husband was sleeping, but she got no response.  He had died during the night.  She had no idea.  Let that be a lesson to all of us who go off into a sulk over something that needn't have happened.  Did it really matter who had the last word? I'm not suggesting that it was just the argument that caused his death, but the stress would certainly have had an impact. We know only too well what stress does.  You can imaging what her lasting memory will be of.  Her husband is dead and all she has left is words that have now become meaningless.
I speak to all of us who find it necessary to always fight to the bitter end to prove a point, but let me tell you that you don't always have to have the last word to win the battle. Not only is it detrimental to your health, but also to your relationships.
If you need my help with your problems please contact me either via FB or email me, or by CRR.
http://www.facebook.com/pages/CounsellingRapidResponse/305698479446229