Do You Really Want To Change?

Hello again,
It has been a while since my last blog. Haven't been too well lately.  In the time that I have been away from blogging it never ceases to amaze me how people continue to treat one another.  Bullying, Berating and insulting, just to name a few.  Relationships are fragile at the best of times. People get hurt easily and because of their own past or present issues, lash out at others in order to make themselves feel a bit better.  They make slanderous remarks about someone else.  Have you seriously got nothing better to do with your life?

Life itself is a struggle. Broken relationships, the cost of living, unemployment, I could go on and on with the list.  Yet people still continue to cause trouble and strife. They refuse to do anything about their miserable, discontented lives and wreak havoc to anyone who gets in their path. They spread rumours and gossip.

It seems that it is not possible for people to disagree without resorting to insults and belittling each other.  Did you actually realise that you have lost any kind of respect or integrity that you thought you had? The rewards for causing so much trouble is very little.  Maybe momentarily you feel that you have achieved satisfaction, but the end result is that no one wants to have anything to do with you, apart from the one's you have managed to brain wash or are like minded.

When you have been in a relationship and it goes sour, whether that is a marital, friendship or significant other, the betrayal one feels is beyond any words. Verbal or emotional abuse has far reaching consequences which can destroy confidence and create real trust issues. The devastation of having your private life and family issues spread around just for the fun of it, is abhorrent. No wonder people are so fragile when they have had to deal with this sort of rubbish. The perpetrators of such misery are generally uneducated and have no idea about loyalty and what being a truly decent human being is all about. Having said that, you don't have to have degrees and diplomas to understand the difference between minding your own business, or being vindictive because you can. Retaliation is very unattractive. Even if you are the injured party why resort to lowering yourself so low as to seek revenge. Understandably the injured party feels aggrieved, but learn to walk away. You want justice, but invariably you won't get it.
People talk without getting facts first, revelling in the misery it has caused their target.

Do people really want to change or are they content to carry on behaving in this manner when there is so much help available?  why not concentrate on your own issues before unleashing the demons within yourself onto someone else.
In a previous blog I said 'You don't always have to have the last word to be right'.  Sometimes silence really is golden.  Seeking revenge will not bring harmony, but alienation.  Above all remember,  What goes around comes around.
If you would like my help on any issues please go to my website www.counsellingrapidresponse.co.uk

Tip of the week Know when to say Goodbye to a Relationship.

At what point in our lives when a relationship is not working do we say enough is enough? Do separations ever really work. In my opinion I think separations can be beneficial to both parties.  It gives time and space to think what it is you really want.  Sometimes having the space can actually make you realize what you have lost and that perhaps it can be worked through.  When you are both living under the same roof it becomes much more difficult to get a right perspective and what really works for you. However if you make the inevitable split, it can lead to much deeper emotions such as depression and regret. Sometimes we just need to take a back seat and self assess if the problem/s is you or them.  Do not get into the 'blaming game' as this achieves nothing but resentment. There are some couples where one will leave at the first sign of trouble and look for another partner in the vain hope that this time the relationship will be better. There are other couples who feel that they have been together for too long and going through the dating process and starting all over again is too much hassle, so they 'stick' it out getting more miserable by the minute and day. Why? This is quite an open ended question. Most of us fear being alone and abandoned. To face the 'black hole' and all the trauma and anxiety that brings they put up with anything. To be alone is to feel unloved and unlovable, this perpetuates the feelings of past situations and hurt.
There are some couples who don't even know if they are happy or not, they daren't go that far.  They shuffle along with their daily lives oblivious to knowing what their partner really thinks or feels. sometimes it is only when couples split do they ever realize just how unhappy they were in that relationship. It is more common for the woman to initiate a Divorce.  Not because they want it that way, but because of the partners behaviour. If couples could get to the bottom of asking why they are still in a bad or unhappy relationship rather than blaming each other for past offences and misdemeanour's. Once you start asking questions about yourself only then can things start to disentangle. Counsellors are notoriously famous for helping us to do just that 'disentangle'.  You have to know when to leave otherwise you may end up hating each other and not intentionally either.
It is equally important to understand that for the time you spent with your partner it was never wasted. The fact that you no longer fulfil each others needs or have the same dreams and goals is no reason to regret those years together.

If you need my help or advice please visit my website WWW.CounsellingRapidResponse.co.uk where you can contact me there.
Until next time...