stop using your children as weapons

Hello again,
I feel that this article is long overdue and no one wants to really get to the nitty gritty of mother's who use their children as weapons against father's.

It is not a pleasant subject at the best of times, but one I feel that needs to be highlighted.

I would say that one of the hardest jobs in the world is being a parent.  It is not something that one can switch on and off.  When we have our children, of course we hope that we will stay together as a family unit. However, in many of the cases that I have encountered, people who should really know better behave in the most despicable way.  Mother's who through their pain use their children against the father's because they have either left or no longer see a future in the relationship. They want to punish the father's by not allowing him and his family to be involved in that child's life.  If only the mother's could see that it is beneficial to her and to the children for the father and Grandparents to see the children. All too often the mother discontinues the relationship with the Grandparents through no fault of their own.

If you think that you are mature enough to have a baby then surely you can see that having all the support you can get can only be a good thing.  The Grandparents are only concerned in seeing their grandchildren, they are usually not concerned with whatever argument has taken place between the parents, it really is nothing to do with them.The Grandparents are usually concerned with being a safe haven in what would seem to be a lonely and isolating existence.  The mother usually has 'friends' but they are not around when feeding time comes, midnight wake ups, changing nappies, comforting and supporting. when you feel completely exhausted and no one to turn to, creating depression and all sorts of ails.

It is time that women who have children whether it was planned or otherwise, need to wake up and stop being so selfish.  You are not thinking of your child when you mess with father's heads and change goal posts because you don't like the fact that you are no longer together.  Sadly we cannot have everything we all want, and yes it hurts, but in the meantime there is a child in the middle of this who never asked to be here so don't you think that now it is here that you as the responsible parent should make every effort to make that child's life mean something?

Have you any idea how many fatherless children there are out there?  I am not saying that father's do not have a responsibility, because they do. It is your responsibility to make sure that you maintain your child, that you love your child and let them feel valued. As often as time permits your child should know that the absent parent loves them.

Have you ever considered why we have so many troubled teens with drug, alcohol, sexual addictions, self- harmers?  Yes people it starts from a very early age, it's how your child views it's life whether they feel worth it or worthless.  Body piercings, tatoos and the bright pink hair, why do you think youngsters do this,?
perhaps you think it's because they have nothing better to do.  WAKE UP PEOPLE. Stop saying things like 'well I dunno how this happened'  YOU played a massive part in why your child goes off the rails.  Stop the selfish, spitefulness and allow your child it's RIGHTS they have the right to see their absent parent WHATEVER YOU may think of the absent parent. stop your children growing up in conflict and hating the absent parent because of a decision YOU made.

Do You Really Want To Change?

Hello again,
It has been a while since my last blog. Haven't been too well lately.  In the time that I have been away from blogging it never ceases to amaze me how people continue to treat one another.  Bullying, Berating and insulting, just to name a few.  Relationships are fragile at the best of times. People get hurt easily and because of their own past or present issues, lash out at others in order to make themselves feel a bit better.  They make slanderous remarks about someone else.  Have you seriously got nothing better to do with your life?

Life itself is a struggle. Broken relationships, the cost of living, unemployment, I could go on and on with the list.  Yet people still continue to cause trouble and strife. They refuse to do anything about their miserable, discontented lives and wreak havoc to anyone who gets in their path. They spread rumours and gossip.

It seems that it is not possible for people to disagree without resorting to insults and belittling each other.  Did you actually realise that you have lost any kind of respect or integrity that you thought you had? The rewards for causing so much trouble is very little.  Maybe momentarily you feel that you have achieved satisfaction, but the end result is that no one wants to have anything to do with you, apart from the one's you have managed to brain wash or are like minded.

When you have been in a relationship and it goes sour, whether that is a marital, friendship or significant other, the betrayal one feels is beyond any words. Verbal or emotional abuse has far reaching consequences which can destroy confidence and create real trust issues. The devastation of having your private life and family issues spread around just for the fun of it, is abhorrent. No wonder people are so fragile when they have had to deal with this sort of rubbish. The perpetrators of such misery are generally uneducated and have no idea about loyalty and what being a truly decent human being is all about. Having said that, you don't have to have degrees and diplomas to understand the difference between minding your own business, or being vindictive because you can. Retaliation is very unattractive. Even if you are the injured party why resort to lowering yourself so low as to seek revenge. Understandably the injured party feels aggrieved, but learn to walk away. You want justice, but invariably you won't get it.
People talk without getting facts first, revelling in the misery it has caused their target.

Do people really want to change or are they content to carry on behaving in this manner when there is so much help available?  why not concentrate on your own issues before unleashing the demons within yourself onto someone else.
In a previous blog I said 'You don't always have to have the last word to be right'.  Sometimes silence really is golden.  Seeking revenge will not bring harmony, but alienation.  Above all remember,  What goes around comes around.
If you would like my help on any issues please go to my website www.counsellingrapidresponse.co.uk